It still hurts

I'm so hurt, to think that you lied to me,

Darling I'm hurt, way down deep inside of me.

You said your love was true and we'd never part,

Now you want someone new and it breaks my heart.

I'm hurt much more than you'll ever know,

Hurt because I still love you so.

But even though you've hurt me like no one else could do,

I would never, never hurt you

There is a common phrase, usually used around with guys and gals who have recently broken up or lost someone close to them that goes something like "time heals all wounds."   Speaking from experience I can tell you time doesn't heal the really deep wounds but it does dull them quite a bit.  While not nearly as deep, I can also tell you the pain from last night still hurts and it's gonna continue to pain me for a while.

Last night the PQ and I went over to Derby Lane for the 8pm tourney.  She has done pretty well lately in this tourney final tabling her last time there (but not cashing) and splitting the top 5 places the time before that along with scoring club level tickets for the Bruins and Lightning on the 17th for knocking out the tourney host.  There is definitely something to be said for having a comfort level in a certain tourney leading to good results.  My results have been up and down, I have scored well in it and I have been knocked out early but I do like the tourney structure.  Also I was bringing my new positive attitude with me to the tourney.  And my new Walken Dead t shirt the PQ got me for Christmas.  That has to count for something.

The tourney started slow for me.  I decided to stay out of most hands unless I was willing to raise them up so outside of the blinds I was mostly dumping hands.  This hurt me early as I dumped 8-7 off in the big blind to a 5x raise and of course the flop is 10-9-6 rainbow.  But I let it roll off my back and continued to keep it tight but aggressive.  Picked up some chips when I raised in position with 55 and took it down post flop on a J-8-4 flop.  After that I kept dumping for the next half hour or so.  Finally I get something playable.  AQ of crubs 2 in front of the button.  I raise to 400 (blinds are 50/100) and the next 3 people who have all been playing with me for the past hour, dump their cards but the big blind was new to the table and had only been there for 4 hands or so.  So he puts me on any 2 cards trying to steal and calls. 

The flop is ok, 10-9-4 with 2 clubs.  I bet 2/3 pot expecting him to dump.  He reraises me to 1600.  Hell I can call that.  He started this hand with just under 10K and I had just over 10 at the time.  Turn is a bingo.  7 of clubs.  Now my only fear is he was sitting on J8 of clubs for a straight flush.  Highly doubtful.  He puts out another 1600.  I was just going to call but I really wanted to get him to commit chips here.  If he has 2 pair or a set he is apt to call a reraise or to reshove on me or possibly rethink and dump it.  If I let another card come off that pairs the board, I have a hard decision to make and if it is a 4th club he is probably out of the hand then.  So I figured reraising was my best chance to get more out of him and I bumped it to 4K leaving me about 4200 chips behind.  I was surprised when he called but had to put him on either 9-10 or a set.  River is a 5 of hearts.  May have completed a straight draw if he didn't already have one.  I half expected him to push in from there.  But he checked.  I thought for a sec and figured, if he puts me on AK or AQ off and thinks I'm stealing, he may call.  So I pushed in.  He had about 4K left and 6K into the pot so he was almost pot committed but with 40 big blinds left he could afford to dump if he needed to.  He immediately starts hemming and hawing.  He starts talking it out and while he's doing that, I do my best to appear nervous as hell.  Finally he says, this might be a terrible call but I call.  I flip over my top flush and he is gone.  He apparently had just finished chopping up the 1pm tourney final table so he wasn't feeling too bad and ended up buying in again but being seated at another table.

I played a good bit longer and that last hand allowed me to steal chips from time to time without getting into any issues.  I kept dumping a lot of hands but when I played it was almost always with a preflop raise.  I did make some chips on one hand when I called a small raise with J8 of clubs on the button, flopped top 2 pair and took it down with a reraise over the initial raiser's c bet.  I was hoping he had a big pocket pair and was willing to push it but it was not to be. 

We hit the first break and I'm sitting on just over 20K and in really good shape but it's still early.  Not long after we restart I get moved to another table to balance things out.  Lo and behold, sitting directly on my right is the PQ.   "Oh great, just what I need" she says as I sit down.  Really she has little to worry about.  When we play at the same table it seems she takes me down most of the time.  Whether I go in with the best or worst hand, it seems I end with the worst hand.  So I'm watching her more than she is watching me.  I'm glad she is on my right at least. 

I dump a few hands then my cards finally change and I catch 10-10 in middle position.  I raise it up and both blinds along with one early caller all fold.  A couple of hands later I get JJ but this time get multiple callers and a flop with a K and Q convince me to get the hell out of that one.  The next hand I'm in the big blind with J9 of diamonds.  Guy in early position raises and I figure on calling this one when a guy 4 places to my right reraises.  Ok, good bye J9.  These 2 eventually get all in and original raiser had KK but reraiser had AA and takes him out.  I take out a fairly short stack when I raise in early position with AQ and he pushes all in over the top.  I had been watching him a bit and knew I was no worse than 50/50.  Turned out I was a lot better as I call and he flips over A5.  A queen on the flop seals his fate and I add more to my stack. 

People are dropping pretty quickly at this table as the blinds and antes increase.  I'm feeling pretty good and hey, I'm actually getting cards to play with so I figure I'm gonna push this a bit.  A few hands later I get KK on the button.  Mr AA puts a raise in to 1600 and I make it 4K from there.  Everyone else folds and he calls.  Flop is a semi dangerous 532 of hearts.   He checks and I check my kings.  Damn, no heart.  Ok, I'm all in.  I decide I don't want to fool around with this hand.  If he played 2 hearts or AA, so be it but I'm not giving him a free or even expensive look at another card.  I have him covered by a little.  He thinks for a good bit and I know I'm not up against AA.  He ends up folding QQ.  I think he had the heart Q but I don't know.  So maybe a bad all in but I felt the risks were too great to not put him to the test there.

Our table breaks a little later and I get moved back to the same table I started at.  There's still plenty of guys who were there when I left and they were impressed with my stack which is now at just under 35K.  My run of cards pretty much stops but I am able to maintain my stack by stealing a few chips here and there.  Other guys are pushing in with short stacks and there's only 2 tables left so it doesn't take too long before we're down to 12 people.  I see 2 different guys slow play AA to perfection, both in early position.  Both times they just call, there is a later raise, and they come over the top all in and they bust a guy, one with KK and the other with AQ.  In a fairly short time we get down to the final table.  I am pleased to see the PQ is still in there.  She has managed to double up and has around 20K which makes her a shorter stack.  I am an average stack and there a couple of really big ones and a number of smaller stacks so I am maybe 5th in chips.  One guy in seat 2 has a monster stack.  I get seated in seat 8.  Seat 7 is ...... the PQ. 

Play goes slow for me while there is a fair amount of action, there is a lot of chip trading.  Only 4 people get paid so no one wants to be first out.  The guy in seat 2 I'm watching call almost every single bet.  I figure to wait on a big hand and go after him but I would only have a big hand if K3 were considered a biggie.  The old king crab became a constant in my hands at the final table.   I really grew to hate those cards.  While I'm not getting anything going, I do manage to steal enough to keep my stack between 25 and 35K.  One older guy is playing really aggressive in seat 5 and seat 6 is making a lot of big hands and chips up hugely.  He starts by tangling with seat 2 on an all in.  He had AQ and made a queen and pushed in.  Seat 2 was happy to call with a black J-10.  There were 2 spades on the board and a third one hits the river.  Seat 6 gets up to go as he thinks he got flushed but it turns out the guy had a spade and club in his hand.  He called the all in with basically only an inside straight draw.  The PQ tells me he had an amazing run of cards and hit all kinds of draws to knock out a bunch of people.  Instead of sitting back and using his stack to steal and push people, he keeps trying to outdraw people.  The odds catch up to him and all those 3 and 4 to one calls he hit before stop coming (except once) and he gives up all his chips a hand at a time.  It was amazing seeing him call almost every preflop raise or just call and play down to the river.  He gets more and more frustrated as his draws keep failing.  He ends up giving a lot of chips to seat 1 and 6 and busts in 8th place.  Chipleader with 10 left to 8th place. 

Unfortunately I am getting nothing to play with against this guy.  I know I want to have a good hand because you almost can't bluff him.  But I can't draw flies.  Finally I get AK in the big blind and the aggressive old guy raises in late position.  He has been playing some half assed hands so I figure I'm in good shape.  I push in for 26K.  He calls and also has AK off.  Flop is all diamonds and neither of us have a diamond so it's a chop.  I'm ok with that, just wish I had caught him with a bad hand.  Still it beat losing.  I get up to 36 then the blinds and ante's get me down to 24 and I gotta push something.  We get down to 7 and I get 10-10 in the small blind.  Seat 6 makes a raise to 10K and I push all in.  He has A-10 and doesn't improve and I double up to 50K.  Finally I have a little breathing room.  Seat 6 knocks out the guy to my left in seat 10 getting us down to 6 and I can taste the money. 

It looks like we are getting down to five as seat 1 gets all in against both 5 & 6 but his A2 prevails and he triples up.  PQ shows me something when she min raises under the gun and gets a walk.  I forget how suspicious it looks when a shortie min raises.  Its like advertising a monster hand and it got a lot of respect there.  I know I respected it.  I lose some chips when I call a small raise with 89 of diamonds hoping to make a big hand but the flop is all high and black,  Yuck.  2 guys start raising and I fold.  I make up some chips stealing with Q4 and a little later with 56.  I've got about 40K when I get AQ of spades in the small blind.  Seat 6 raises to 12.5K and I push in.  In a tourney if you make a spade royal flush you get a big bonus which is now up to about 10K so I would love to hit that but I mostly want to double up and make the money here.  I am pretty sure I'm ahead and I really just want to take this down but he calls my extra 27K with A of diamonds and 7 of clubs.  I feel pretty good.

Flop is AKQ which is great except they're all damned clubs.  Turn is the stinkin J of clubs.  I'm hoping the river is an Ace, Queen or a club higher than 7 but its the 10 of damned spades and I'm out in 6th.  I double up there and I'm over 80K and second in chips with 6 left.  Instead I go out.  I am so hurt.  I knew the damned AQ would get me in the end.  It almost always does but it had been so kind to me all tourney till then.  Still in keeping with my positive self I wished everyone good luck and wandered off to lick my wounds in silence. 

Do you remember a singer named Juice Newton?  She had some pop and country hits in the 80s like Queen of Hearts and Break it to me Gently on the pop charts.  She really had a powerful soaring voice and she used songs like Break it to me Gently to showcase her range.  Kind of a modern Patsy Cline (one of the great singers ever in my opinion) with her power and range.  She did a song a few years later titled "Hurt" which was a big country hit.  I posted a portion at the start of this entry.  Well I also hurt way down deep inside of me after that loss.  I know it's only a poker game and means nothing in the grand scheme of things but I really wanted to kick some ass and do well in that tourney.  While losing is never fun, after 6 hours of playing and getting that close to the money, it is that much harder to deal with.  Still I was happy with my reads and pretty much with my aggression though I could have done more there.  I put myself in position to do well and just got unlucky at the end.  But it effing hurts to not hit the money after all that.   It's not like the deck hit me in the head either.  I got some luck with 2-5 once and made some hands with junk but I didn't get much in the way of big hands either.  KK once, JJ once, 10-10 twice and a few small pairs.  AK twice and AQ about 4 times.  In 6 hours of play. 

I stumbled off  to the cash games for a while hoping to make something back.  Not much happened there and after awhile the PQ comes up to me about 30 minutes later.  I was afraid she had gone out 5th but she is all happy.  She doubled up off the big stack after I left, a couple of others went out 5th and 4th and they decided to chop up the top 3 places for an $830 score for her.  I was really happy for her, she played very well and while we don't play the same, I cannot fault her success at all.  Especially when looking at her results.  Which kick the crap out of mine lately. 

So today has been lounge around and recover day, since we didn't get home until near 3:30am.  The PQ graciously took me out after we left the poker room and fed me.  She felt so bad about how I went out (so did the guy who beat me apparently though he didn't offer to give me back my chips lol) and while extremely happy for herself, she was very sympathetic to me.  She played very very well with a short stack just about the entire time which made her results even that much more impressive.  As Lightning says, its a good thing I have her around to keep the family in the +EV territory.  I must agree.  Right now I am consoling myself with a few glasses of Cardinale which is a red wine blend that has become among our favorites.  Surprising as we usually go with whites but this wine is a major winner.  So I hope you all are having a great weekend and imbibing in your favorite adult refreshment while watching Denver??? beating Pittsburgh - they're up 14 in the 3rd quarter as I write this oops make that 7.  I'll pour me another glass soon and I won't be worth much after that I imagine.  Stay lucky you nuts, luckier than your wino host at least.